The Quality of Your Life Depends on the Quality of Your Identity

We live in a world that is constantly changing.  If you take a look around, you’ll see that there is virtually nothing that stays exactly the same.  With all of these changes surrounding us, we feel a need for certainty.  We want something to stay the same, something that we can depend on.  In order for this to happen, this thing that is constant must be something that you can control.  It is your identity.  We all feel a need for our identity to stay the same.  If someone view himself as very very conservative and someone asks him to do something that is completely radical, he might say, “Oh no, I couldn’t do that. It’s just not me!”  Someone’s identity is based off of his comfort zone.  If someone expands their comfort zone, his identity will also expand.

Tony Robbins once likened one’s identity with temperature.  Let’s assume that your temperature is normally 78 degrees.  Now remember, this 78 degrees is your comfort zone or identity.  If you one day perform at 72 degrees, the heaters will kick in!  They’ll say, “You’re a 78 degreer, not a 72!  Come on now, lets do better!” You will be motivated to get back to where you were before.  Now, some people might deliberately lower their “temperature” in order to feel “safe”.  If they lower their standard to 68 degrees and they perform at 72 degrees, then they might be happy with themselves, however, the air conditioning will kick on and start to lower their performance back down to 68 degrees.

But! If one was to deliberately raise his standard (by stretching his comfort zone and raising his identity of himself) then the heaters will kick in more often until he normally does perform at his new standard.  And do you want to know what the fastest way to change your identity is? Change your state! Change your emotions right now by changing your physiology.  Change how you walk, talk, interact with others.  This will change your identity. 

Once we begin to expect more from ourselves and raise our own standards, we will achieve more, pursue our dreams, and find more joy in life!  Does that sound like a good deal?

Use Expectations to Your Advantage

Each and every one of us has a definite and unique perception of reality.  We use these perceptions to form beliefs, habits, chronic thoughts, and expectations.  Right now, let’s focus on expectations.

The general rule of thumb is this:  What we get out of life is in direct proportion to what we expect to get.  So, it stands to reason that if we expect more out of our life, our friends and family, and ourselves, then we will receive more of what we want.  What we really need to focus on, though, is to expect more out of ourselves.

There are so many people who, when they were younger, wanted to much.  Some of them wanted to become lawyers, doctors, teachers, parents, or anything else.  Many of them have achieved this, but therein lies the problem.  They have already achieved it, therefore there is no need to progress further.  So many of us had or have dreams, but when we look back, we are regretful that life did not turn out as we planned it to.  What happened?  Well, we settled for less than we wanted.  We let life slip by us in a blink of an eye while we just stood there and watched… and where are we now?  We very well might be living a comfortable life, but is that the life we really wanted?  Is a comfortable life an exciting life filled with adventures, mysteries, excitement, and risks?  Did you get the life you dreamed about when you were a little younger, and are you, at this moment, where you would like to be in your life?  If not then let’s take action and expect to have a better life. Really expect it!  Countless people have proven that virtually anything is possible, so what’s stopping you from having the life you really want?  Is it your beliefs, expectations, habits, fear of failure, or something else entirely?  Figure out what it is, ask yourself what action steps you can take to get there, expect that you will get there, and take action!  If you do not take action, your situation could be likened to the mad who told the fire pit to produce fire, and then he’ll add the wood. What you put into your life will be in direct proportion to what you get out of it, so work towards your ideal life, expect to get there, and later you will be looking back in marvel wondering why you let yourself settle for so much less for so long…

Until next time,
Sean Golden